Thursday, April 20, 2006

A Burrito Aburrido

Sorry for having such a dry blog, dear readers. If you're looking for sex and intrigue, you're in the wrong place. I'm sure you realize this.

I think I should turn my blog into a steamy sex novel. I'm just thinking about this now because I read through my blog and BOY am I lame! It's no wonder the average viewing time for my blog is 1.23 minutes! No, I'm really considering having some kind of gimmick for my blog. Like the woman that did Julia Child's French recipes in a year. I just wonder if I'm that dedicated.

I used to love to write. Especially poems and song lyrics (or lyrics written to the tune of songs that periodically got stuck in my head). I would write these embarassingly honest, confession-style pieces on my teen angst and unrecquited love and my teachers would make me or a friend read them out loud to the class (because, they said, it was good writing) and at the time I would be embarassed to show so much of myself to my classmates but it was only later that I would get super duper ashamed of myself for being so self-absorbed and mopey. It's seems as though I don't produce writing unless I am feeling particularly sorry about myself. That's no way to be a writer.

I need happy stuff to write about. I think I would do a good job writing about children, because they are insanely hilarious and true and brilliant. Don't worry, I don't want to have kids of my own yet, although I do find myself getting jealous of the big belly. Especially the big belly on young, thin women. But I'm still at the stage in my life where I need to devote a lot of time to the ME. That's why I'm going to grad school, that's why I'm going away. That's why I'm going to build up my brain with things I find interesting. Because I have only recently been self-aware in this way (stop pitying myself, take pleasure in the small things, stop being so awkward and weird you're confusing people, etc). Stop being the mysterious, start being the me. Start asking questions when I don't understand and trying to make myself understood (like actually explaining myself rather than offering one-word answers).

I would love to be confrontational, but I don't know if that will ever happen. I really want to yell at people sometimes. I want to tell people to buzz off when they're disrespectful. And ask my loved ones why they do stupid sh*t. Start defending myself. Start kicking some self-righteous ass, start showing people that girls rock and you need to stop screwing them over every which way. I do feel sorry for the boys though, too. I realize there's a lot of unrealistic expectations for boys as well. I always end up talking about some of the world's problems by the end of my larger blogs. I guess it's because I'm lacking in the personal problem department.

So, again I apologize for the absence of such personal information in my blog. I'm mostly just trying to work it out. The good news is that all folks can comment, pending my approval of course (Ray I have never refused one of your comments, I only got rid of one from a stranger who didn't read my blog but was trying to advertise a pyramid scheme to my friends).

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